The Cleaning Ladies Stole my Mop

This is truly the internet. Here I am, sitting at 2:30 in the morning, eating oreos and drinking coke, to inform my loyal following of ABSOLUTELY NO ONE (feel free to prove me wrong, but I doubt there's anyone) that the reason that my mop and broom are missing on cleaning inspection night is that the cleaning ladies stole them. Last year they troubled Trent while he moved himself and Jason out; they harassed him until he left in a huff, forgetting my mop and broom. They of course took them. They didn't take the drywall mud, no. Lazy cleaning ladies had no use for that, but the mop and broom? They were quality, and red. They wanted them, and they took them. Tomorrow, or rather, later today, they will fail us for having a dirty floor. Why is it dirty? Because the damn cleaning ladies have my mop and broom! They will charge us, or rather, Jason, through the nose so they can use MY mop and broom to clean the floor. That sounds like a conspiracy to me.